AWARDS SHOWS/MUSIC: 2018 GRAMMYS

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2018 GRAMMYS

[Note: My review of this past Sunday’s Grammys is a few days later than usual due to the fact that there seems to be some new backlash every day, so I had to keep adding to the story. More on those controversies at the bottom of this column.]

This sixtieth edition of this music awards show may have been the best Grammys ever! That’s partly because I love Bruno Mars, who not only performed, but won multiple awards. And they were the big ones, too! (In case you’ve been off the planet for awhile, that’s Bruno and company in the big photo at the top of the page.)

The show was in New York this year, (instead of the usual Los Angeles,) which I was thrilled about because that meant that all the attendant gifting suites and parties were a continent away from me! And I really needed a break from all the recent awards shows festivities.

Grammys Host James Corden. Love this blue suit!!! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Grammys Host James Corden. Love this blue suit!!! Photo by Karen Salkin.

But I wonder if that change in location was the reason all the arrivals seemed so low-key compared to other years. I had assumed it would be crazier there because everything is! But maybe the cold weather made everyone a tad quieter. (Even Rita Ora and Ryan Seacrest mentioned that it was different.)

I was so glad that no one on the show, or the arrivals for that matter, looked like an idiot this year, and no one tried to steal the limelight or take focus. It made the whole evening so much more enjoyable than usual.

And there was no horrible drama or scandal or controversy surrounding the show.  (In 2009, we had the Chris Brown-Rihanna beating, and Whitney Houston died the day before the Grammys in 2012.)

The whole event was really just fabulous.

Return host James Corden was perfect, as usual. He always hits just the right notes. (Like when he was introducing powerhouse performer Patti LuPone, he exclaimed, “Get ready to clutch your pearls!” See what I mean by “perfect?”)

Lady Gaga's awful lipliner and new nose job. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Lady Gaga’s awful lipliner and new nose job. Photo by Karen Salkin.

U2 and Elton John and Bruno Mars all did duets, but Lorde refused to do one. Is she nuts? Does she not realize what an honor that would have been to perform with a biggie like those guys???

Now I’m going to go in order of the show, and we’ll discuss the arrivals after that. Here goes:

THE SHOW

Between Lady Gaga’s awful “Joker” lipliner (which even Mr. X noticed–he’s actually the one who pointed it out!,) and her nose job, I didn’t even recognize her!

Rihanna's on-stage coat and gloves. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Rihanna’s on-stage coat and gloves. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I think some people were a tad “overdressed” for this show!  Like Rihanna‘s coat and gloves.  Why doesn’t she take them off and stay awhile?

I love Sam Smith, but I could not understand even one word of his song, outside of “bones.”

And that horrible baby-poop-green tee shirt sticking out of his lab coat was just weird for a Grammys performance.

I was very happy for Alessia Cara to win Best New Artist. She actually deserved it.  And she gave a sweet speech, too.

And that was the best she ever looked! She actually put on some make-up! Not tons, but more than Alicia Keys.

Sam Smith's perplexing wardrobe choice. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Sam Smith’s perplexing wardrobe choice. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I love that when he came on, comedian Jim Gaffigan greeted the audience by saying, “I never heard of me, either.”

Ed Sheeran was the only guy among four women nominees who were all up for one of only nine on-camera awards, but wasn’t there! I heard he was in town, but sleeping, so that was a tad disappointing.

Sarah Silverman is such a miskite!

If Nathan Lane was Spanish, and straight, and much younger, he’d look like Luis Fonsi. (Just picture Nathan for a second, and you’ll see that I’m correct.) Luis seems so sweet, but his hair does not move at all!!!

Luis Fonsi's immovable hair!  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Luis Fonsi’s immovable hair! Photo by Karen Salkin.

They should have made it clear that Childish Gambino is Donald Glover.  When I saw the promos that Childish Gambino was going to be on the Grammys, I thought it was actor Donald Glover doing a bit.  And it turned-out it is Donald, but this is his music name.  That’s strange because you would think that he would want the public to know he does it all!  And the funny thing is that I don’t even really know who Donald Glover is except that he won an Emmy for some show I never heard of either.  But his singing is good. He sounds like Maxwell a bit.  Or old school Motown.

The Educator of the Year Award went to Melissa Salguero from the Bronx. I mention this only because I want to give this important award some publicity, too.

Kendrick Lamar‘s second speech was good. And I love that he ended it with “Jay[-Z] for president,” and a wink.

Pink (as Peter Pan, perhaps?)  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Pink (as Peter Pan, perhaps?) Photo by Karen Salkin.

I love that Pink is wearing regular clothing; she has on baggy jeans and a white tee-ish shirt. They looked like it was just because she had to wear something, rather than a fashion statement.

And I tweeted the biggest compliment I can give any female in show business, so I’ll repeat it here: Do any of you know what character she’s perfect to play??? Peter Pan! She can sing and she’s very athletic, so I hope she goes for it in my lifetime.

Anna Kendrick, wearing her mother's shoes, perhaps?  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Anna Kendrick, wearing her mother’s shoes, perhaps? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Bruno Mars was way too short!  I mean his number on the show. He’s the only artist I want to see in concert, and I’m sick I missed my chance this summer. Sick, I tell you!

But I liked his song, Finesse, the first time I heard it—when it was Bobby Brown’s Every Little Step I Take.

Hailee Steinfeld has such a fake tan.

My heart bleeds for Kesha. That poor girl is an open wound.

What a fun surprise Hillary Clinton was! Very amusing appearance.

Anna Kendrick’s shoes were just dreadful. They’re totally ill-fitting and make her have trouble walking. She’s practically standing on her toes in them!  She’s just asking for major back trouble down the line.

Ben Platt and his highlighted earlobe hair.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Ben Platt and his highlighted earlobe hair. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I’m glad Elton John changed out of his flashy arrival outfit to his flashy performance one.

Was that hair that was sticking straight out of Ben Platt’s earlobe driving anyone else crazy? Mr. X suggested that perhaps instead of a Grammy that night, he should’ve been awarded a pair of tweezers!

Patti LuPone just may be the greatest female singer in the world!  (But I actually beat her out for something back in the day—a game of Musical Chairs that came down to the two of us.  Just think if she was happy to lose even that!)

How rude are these four people who were the only ones to not stand for Patti LuPone?!  Heck, three of them didn't even applaud!!! Photo by Karen Salkin.

How rude are these four people who were the only ones to not stand for Patti LuPone?! Heck, three of them didn’t even applaud!!! Photo by Karen Salkin.

I was shocked to see a quartet of sour-ass people be the only ones in the entire place who did not stand up for Patti LuPone after her incredible performance of Don’t Cry For Me Argentina! What is wrong with them?

Sza sounded terrible, especially right after Patti LuPone!

The only thing worse than her performance was her outfit!

I’m so thrilled that my favorite song of recent years, 24K Magic, won for Record of the Year, one of the two biggest awards! Thanks, Bruno Mars, for it! [Note: Bruno won the other big one, too.  Keep reading.]

Sza's outfit, that she apparently put together in the dark.  This is the perfect illustration of piecemeal!  And it makes her left hand look like it came from the creature in The Shape of Water! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Sza’s outfit, that she apparently put together in the dark. This is the perfect illustration of piecemeal! And it makes her left hand look like it came from the creature in The Shape of Water! Photo by Karen Salkin.

That was a good fake-out from James Corden, making it sound like he was introducing Obama, (which would have been fabulous, by the way—the assemblage would have gone berserk for him!,) but it was really the President of the Recording Academy.

The most powerful moment of the night for me was the suicide prevention song by Logic, Alessia Cara, and Khalid.

The Edge has almost no Irish accent whatsoever!!

Boy, did Bruno Mars deserve his win for Album of the Year!!! (And I loved that earlier, he thanked his girlfriend for being with him! Does he not realize that she’s the lucky one??? The really lucky one!!!)

But darn it, Bruno–I thought I was all cried-out today when The Stranger I Love Most, Roger Federer, won his record twentieth Grand Slam title earlier that day! But then Bruno had to go and tell a story in his acceptance speech about when he was fifteen and sang songs by all the great soul writers and producers, and my waterworks began all over again. I had to go drink a liter of water to replenish all the fluids I had lost from these two incredible guys’ accomplishments in that one day! Major congrats to them both! (If you missed it earlier this week, you can still read about Roger here: itsnotaboutme.tv/news/tennisliving-tribute-roger-federer-the-stranger-i-love-most-is-now-undisputedly-the-greatest-of-all-time.)

Janelle Monae, in NOT just black and white!  (Except for her hair, of course.)

Janelle Monae, in NOT just black and white! (Except for her hair, of course.)

E ARRIVALS

I really love that Elton John has never felt the need to reinvent himself.  He’s stayed the same for over five decades!

OMG—Janelle Monae is wearing color!!!

Why was Ryan Seacrest wearing glasses? He never explained. Was it a fashion choice or a new medical situation? Inquiring minds want to know.

Khalid is so nice!  That’s a guy to root for.  Ryan asked what he’d like to make a reality in the next year or two, and his immediate answer was that he wants to start a foundation for music education in his hometown in Texas.

Cyndi Lauper. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Cyndi Lauper. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I think Kelly Clarkson lost a bit of weight finally, so good for her.

Could poor Cyndi Lauper look worse?  She needs lipstick…and a whole face make-over, actually. And some hair conditioner, too.

Good for James Corden!  Ryan said, “Tell us everything,” and instead of falling for it and doing Ryan’s work for him, he said, “What do you want to know?”

But James sounds exhausted. And the uber-long show he was about to host hadn’t even begun yet!

Camila Cabello with her fabu purse and adorbs mom! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Camila Cabello with her fabu purse and adorbs mom! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Camila Cabello had the absolute best purse ever! It was a sparkly disco ball!!!  I wish I had had it in my clubbing days. (Except we Femmes Fatales, the name of my gal posse, never used purses back then; we just had a guy pal carry a lipstick in his pocket for us.)

And Camila’s mom is the sweetest ever!

Hip-hopper Lil Uzi Vert—what a conversationalist!

But I loved him! He made me laugh more than anyone on the red carpet. When asked how he was feeling, he answered, “Normal.”  But exactly what is that to him?  He explained, “This is normal, this is my life, so whatever.”  In answer to what he’d do if he wins, he said he’ll think about what he’s going to buy the next day!  Then he was asked, “What’s next for you?”  His answer: “Waking up, eat some Pop Tarts!!!” I never heard of him before that night, but now he’s my favorite!

Hailee Steinfeld. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Hailee Steinfeld. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Hailee Steinfield’s nose job did as much for her face as Arianna Grande’s did for hers! And I mean those both as compliments. No one has ever had a nose job make them look as pretty as those two! And not look very nose-job-y, to boot!

But that night, she had the worst make-up job ever!

Hailee was wearing a basic white dress, which was nice, but she accented it with high purple boots and way too green eye make-up, neither of which worked.

Bebe Rexha.  Like I said--WIDE!

Bebe Rexha. Like I said–WIDE!

Bebe Rexha is so pretty, but she is wi-ide!!!

Cardi B said she had butterflies in her “stomach and vagina.” Classy.

Rita Ora asked Ryan, “How calm is this red carpet?” That’s just what I was saying at the top of this review! She then added, “The most exciting thing I’ve seen so far is Sting and Shaggy…together.”

CBS ARRIVALS

There was absolutely nothing to say about this inane show, with all correspondents who are trying too hard and are still unlikeable. My only comment on this entire arrivals show is that James Corden is always the nicest guy ever!  I love him. They were cutesy idiots to him, and he didn’t make them know it, as perhaps I would have.

STUPID CONTROVERSIES

Now there’s a big to-do about the majority of winners being male. They gave-out just nine of the full eighty-four categories on the show, so everyone just needs to calm down about “gender inequality” among the winners!!! Enough already! It’s happening everywhere these days, and I’m sick of it! And scared. Scared that the interesting parts of life as we know it are becoming extinct, and that soon we females will have to live on an Amazon planet, devoid of men.

Lil Uzi Vert. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Lil Uzi Vert. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Yes, there were more males than females who won awards, but did the protesters ever think that might be because their particular music this year was better? That’s just the way it goes sometimes. I didn’t hear them complaining when Adele won everything a couple of years ago, did you?!

If they’re so worried about it, maybe the Grammys should go back to having separate male and female categories. Women fought to be on an equal playing field with men, so this is what they get. [Sidebar: When my TV show was in its beginning stages, I guess there weren’t too many funny girls around because I often got called in to audition for commercials where I was the only female. Of course I didn’t get it, but that’s the breaks—they really wanted a guy, which is why the breakdown called for a male for the role. And I was just grateful to begin breaking down the doors for females to be thought of as funny. I didn’t call for the producers’ heads! Geez. ]

Cardi B. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Cardi B. Photo by Karen Salkin.

And now females in the music business are just getting crazy! Rapper Iggy Azalea stated that instead of “wearing white flowers” to the Grammys next year, as a symbol of girl power (or whatever,) women in the music biz should consider boycotting the show by staying home. Yeah, that’ll show ’em!

And then two days ago, Vanessa Carlton, (whoever that is,) called for President of the Recording Academy Neil Portnow to resign because he answered all these dumb complaints by suggesting that women artists might need to “step up’” their game. (He said his words were taken out of context. And, after all, he was responding to being called-out over this nonsense.) She started an online petition to get him out. Don’t these people have anything better to do with their time? Like maybe make better music?

Well, you know that I won’t be boycotting any of these big shows! So, this Sunday, it’s on to the Super Bowl! All I can say about that is Go, Eagles! (Just because I’m so sick of the Patriots winning.)

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