This may be my shortest awards show review yet! It was sort-of boring, through no fault of fabulous, funny Jimmy Kimmel. It’s just that, with all the movie awards that go before the Oscars, all the winners were already predictable. And, even if I didn’t agree with the choices, (like Frances McDormand over Sally Hawkins’ brilliant performance in The Shape of Water,) I would have felt awful for the projected victors if they didn’t win the Oscar!
And I used a lot of my bon mots on my many tweets throughout the night. If you didn’t see them in real time, they’re all still up there, so you can still follow me now and read them. @MajorCelebrity.
But here and now I can tell you that there was an obvious dearth of magic this year. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I think that one of the factors is that there were several hardly-if-at-all known presenters, rather than the uber-famous all the viewers want to see up there. Some of them were as obscure to the television audience as many of the Tonys presenters are! And that is far from good. They needed to at least tell us who those strangers are!!! Give us a credit or two, please!
And a lot of the people did not look glamorous enough. Oscar peeps need to bring the glamour, more than any other show of the year!
As much as I love how Jimmy Kimmel hosts, the producers missed the boat by not having it be Hugh Jackman this go-round. Even though his film, The Greatest Showman on Earth, was essentially snubbed, he could have done the hosting duties as someone with that title, and made it spectacular!
As it was, the only thing that was spectacular about this year’s Academy Awards was that incredible ever-changing-but-always-ornate set!!! Mr. X and I loved all the configurations of it.
Lastly, the arrivals were the most lackluster in history! I’m not saying that all the red carpet hosts were having trouble getting stars to talk to them (in these troubled times of movements like Times Up and Me Too,) but I saw three interviews with Andy Serkis!!! It was like the year of the Actors’ Strike, but the Emmys went ahead anyway. The only winner who showed-up that time was Powers Booth!!!
So, unlike many recent years, when I had so much to say about the entire coverage of Oscars day that I had to divide it into two columns, everything is right here in this one. It’s in the order of the show, preceded by what I witnessed on the arrivals shows, (even though I didn’t watch any of them all the way through this year—I just could not force myself to waste anymore time on this debacle.)
About the arrivals shows: I don’t know who was more desperate to get stars to talk to them—Ryan Seacrest on the E Channel (I’ll explain for the nescient in a minute,) or George Pennachio on local ABC because no one cared about him!
CHANNEL 7 ARRIVALS
This always happens–some lesser show biz types arrive really early, just to be seen, before they’re pushed aside for the real stars.
Which brings us to…Allison Williams, who is so goony. And she looked as mentally disturbed as her character in Get Out on the red carpet.
On the flip side of that, beautiful 93-year-old Eva Marie Saint outclasses them all!
Host George Pennachio didn’t even name the people he was interviewing from Get Out! Shame on him. (I’m sure he didn’t know their names, because none of us do!)
Eugenio Derby—didn’t even explain who this unknown is!!!
I hate to say it, but Rita Moreno looked sort-of crazy!!!
I love Saoirse Ronan, but she looked awful! Many others did, as well.
ABC NATIONAL ARRIVALS
These hosts for this one were brutal!!! Where do they find so many creepy peeps? This time, awful lisping Michael Strahan was just the tip of the iceberg!
OMG! My ears were bleeding from Allison Williams’ horrible annoying nasal voice!!! How does that girl get jobs???
Patrick Stewart’s wife looked the best. Great in-shape arms!
Chadwick Boseman has done all these incredible biographical roles, like Jackie Robinson and James Brown, but never got famous until he does a stupid superhero movie! That’s a sad commentary on show business.
But why hasn’t anyone made him fix those teeth already???
I was curious to see how many hypocrites would speak with alleged sexually harasser, Ryan Seacrest, in public. I totally believe in “innocent until proven guilty,” but all these Hollywood types are condemning people like Woody Allen with no proof, (who’s accused by a lunatic a hundred years ago,) so they have to do the same with everyone! You can’t just pick and choose which alleged sexual misconduct-ers to revile and which to support. In this climate, you have to treat them all the same. (But why that doesn’t apply to Orange Hitler, I cannot figure out.)
I was happy to see that just about every nominee, except for Allison Janney, Christopher Plummer, (who’s too old to care and is a fellow named sexual abuser,) and Richard Jenkins (who’s probably desperate for the publicity since he’s really a “working actor,” and not a “star,”) totally snubbed him. Allison Janney’s publicist should be ashamed of herself for having her client talk to him! She looked like an idiot for doing that! Every other female nominee snubbed him! Good thing for her that Allison’s already popular enough in Hollywood because everyone would hate her now!
Ryan was so desperate for someone to interview that he wound-up speaking with people he never would before—people who wrote and sing the songs. And he did so at length, to use up time so we don’t notice the stars are snubbing him! He even encouraged Donald Sutherland to tell a several-minutes-long convoluted story, without cutting him off even once!
He was so desperate, he interviewed his morning show co-host, Kelly Ripa!!!
The idiot girl who played the maid in Get Out said the wig was the “most interesting complication” for her, when being asked about “the complicated work of her character.” What an idiot!!! She wasn’t even joking. She kept repeating it!
Loved that clever opening that mixed current stars in with vintage Oscars footage. Host Jimmy Kimmel did a great job voicing that segment.
His whole monolog was fun, especially that bit about winning a jet ski for the shortest acceptance speech.
And I more than loved the classy ornate sets.
What was up with Viola Davis’ weird walk? And why did she look so bad? Was it her make-up artist’s night off?
Eva Marie Saint is beautiful, and has perfect make-up and hair for her age. And she has such a great strong voice.
Why do two women aways have to walk out and hold hands? It’s just creepy. (I’m talking to you, Greta Gerwig and Laura Dern!)
The Icarus producers were the most shaken-up and grateful. I love seeing that!
I love Tarajie P. Henson always. She looked great in that strange dress. I always feel bad that she got so screwed in her career by the emergence of Viola Davis at the same time, whose always-running nose put her over the top in that race.
They should not have non-famous people as presenters.
I have no idea who she is, but that girl in the yellow dress looks the absolute best of everyone!
Here was a good presenting duo: Lupita Nyong’o being the one of the very few who were brave enough to wear glasses, and Kumail Nanjiani being his usual quiet riot self!
Some of these presenters were so obscure, they really needed to tell us who they are! At least give us a hint with a credit or two!
My, how soon people forgot that rape scandal involving Kobe Bryant! He was on trial for raping a girl back in the day, (which I really do believe he did,) and then paid her off to settle it and not testify against him, so the case was dropped.) How did he get a pass with the Oscars voters, who are so against sexual misconduct? How did a probable-rapist win??? I really don’t get that, especially since the others in his category (Best Animated Short) looked so much better than his???
Always-upbeat Gal Gadot was the absolute most adorable person there!
Ashley Judd’s face is so puffy! I’m sure it’s that way from surgery. Even Mr. X noticed it. And Annabella Sciorra is just so crazy-looking! She’s one of those people who just got really old while we weren’t looking!
I liked Nicole Kidman‘s crazy blue dress.
I give Sandra Bullock the most credit for rocking my stick straight hair!!! It’s always the hippest, most-modern style, if I do say so myself.
I’m so happy for music winner Alexander Desplat. He was the most charming person there.
I’m sick for Diane Warren to have not won for Best Song again! (It looked like her co-writer Common was upset for her, too.) That’s her ninth loss in nine nominations!
I’m glad that two people I like presented together—Lin-Manuel Miranda and Emily Blunt. Did anyone else notice that his head is twice the size of hers?! (That’s not a slam of any kind to either of them–my head looks like a peanut on a stick! So I’m sure that everyone else’s is bigger than mine, as well.)
Jennifer Garner wore my second favorite dress this year. (My first was the aforementioned yellow dress on that obscure girl presenter.) But her hair was in desperate need of being brushed!
What a bi-atch Jane Fonda was to announce the win for Gary Oldman in such a distracted, monotone, not special way! Disgusting! The man is about to be sixty years old, and finally wins his first Oscar, and she ruins the moment for him, and everybody else, as well!!! (Especially me! I could not get over what she did! To me, it was worse than announcing the wrong winner for Best Picture!!!)
I’m so happy for Gary Oldman. He totally deserved the win. (But I knew right away he was not going to win the jet ski for brevity!)
That was a riot to have Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway back this year to present Best Picture re-dux! I just wish that the producers could have kept it a secret because it would have been the most amazing surprise ever!!!
And I just can’t leave without once again stating my supreme admiration for all things Meryl Streep. That woman can do no wrong, in my book!
This is a tiny bit out of order, as well, but it’s long, and interesting, so I saved it for last. Here ‘tis:
For those of you who have paid as much attention to Oscars protocol as I have over the years, you may have noticed that something was amiss with the last several presenters. It’s always been that the winning females from the year before present to their male counterparts, and vice versa. (For example, last year’s Best Actress presents to this year’s Best Actor.) So why was it so different this year, you may ask? Why did last year’s Best Actress, Emma Stone, present Best Director this year rather than Best Actor?
And why did they all of a sudden have two older former Best Actress winners, Jane Fonda and Helen Mirren, present the best actor award this year? And why did former Best Actresses Jodie Foster and Jennifer Lawrence present the Best Actress this year? It all seemed very crazy and unusual, didn’t it? (Or was that just me?!)
Well all those questions can be answered in two words–Casey Affleck. He was last year’s Best Actor winner, but because he’s been accused of two major incidents of sexual misconduct in the past, and no one is accepting that behavior this year, he declined to show up at the Oscars. He said it was because he didn’t want to be a distraction, but I’m sure he also didn’t want to face the music. So the producers had to rearrange the entire roster of presenters for those last few awards, and by making it all female former winners, they thought they could just dazzle the audience pretending they were going for Girl Power (because that’s what you’re supposed to do in 2018, anyway.)
And there you have it—a stressful awards show for stressful times! I think I liked it all better the old way.