AWARDS SHOW: GRAMMYS 2016

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GRAMMYS 2016

Kacey Musgraves' weird "dead peacock" gown, which is one of the worst of the night.  I discuss it a bit later on.  Twice!

Kacey Musgraves’ weird “dead peacock” gown, which is one of the worst of the night. I discuss it a bit later on. Twice!

I hope you saw my Grammys tweets last night. This time, none seemed to be controversial, I got zero negativity, (which was a refreshing change of pace,) and I got all “likes” and re-tweets, so it looks like everyone was happy.

I’m not repeating any of them here, so if you missed them, you can always still check them out @MajorCelebrity.

So, here are the rest of my thoughts on the proceedings, of which there are many more than the ones I tweeted.

I’m doing it backwards this time, with the musings on the show first, because it was much more interesting than the arrivals, which were nothing to write home about this time.

But here are three over-riding thoughts, before we go in order:

Florence Welch's horror show. (I describe it for you a bit later on.)

Florence Welch’s horror show. (I describe it for you a bit later on.)

I liked having the Grammys on a Monday. That made it sort-of special, and gave us the full week-end to enjoy without being glued to the TV for one whole day of it. (Even though I was, anyway, because of the fabulous NBA All-Star Week-end!) But I don’t know if workers who can’t make their own hours felt the same way.

All these peeps, (like the host and presenters,) need to stop declaring that what’s coming up will be “a moment” or an “amazing performance” before it even happens! That’s something that can be said only after it occurs. And we’ll be the judge of that; we don’t need blowhards telling us how we feel!

It took the show an hour and a half to really get going, but then it was pretty good.

So, now, here we go with my individual thoughts, (meaning: not paragraphs that are designed to flow into each other,) in order:

GRAMMYS TELECAST

I can’t stand Taylor Swift. She thinks she’s sexy, but is far from it. I wish someone would sleep with her and tell us about it. I bet she’s the worst ever.

And her stomach is sticking-out in that catsuit, which is odd for such a skinny girl.

Every move she makes is choreographed. She’s never natural. (Mr. X aptly observed that she performs like an eight-year-old in her room.)

And does she bite her nails? I never noticed that before.

Carrie Underwood arriving.  Don't her eyes look a tad strange? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Carrie Underwood arriving. Don’t her eyes look a tad strange? Photo by Karen Salkin.

I love LL Cool J for two reasons: We’re both born on January 14, (yay, us!,) and he was very good to me at a party Russell Simmons threw in New York a few years back. So, I hate to say it, but he’s a really annoying host. He yells everything.

Selena Gomez–what an idiot. She walked in in a blue dress, but changed right away to a red one! For what purpose?!

I hated Carrie Underwood‘s weird, crotch-featuring performance outfit.

Carrie and Sam Hunt didn’t hug at the end of their duet, which was strange. Instead, they did that weird side hug thing.

Oh no. Ariana Grande and Selena Gomez wore similar red dresses! And why does Ariana always wear ponytails? Enough already! (For you older folks, it’s as annoying as Rosemarie and her fercockt bow!)

Why would The Weeknd want to show that he cannot sing?

As if Gary Sinise isn’t bad-looking enough, he let his hair go gray. Ugh.

Tori Kelly looked awful on the red carpet, but her duet (pic below) was fabu!

Tori Kelly looked awful on the red carpet, but her duet (pic below) was fabu!

I had no idea that Demi Lovato could sing that well. But I was correct about her make-up plan. [Note: I mention it in one of my arrivals reviews, below.]

Megan Trainer looked awful with that new stringy red hair. It’s a dreadful color for her. It makes her look even heavier.

John Legend and Tyrese needn’t have gone down to the audience to bring Lionel Richie up to the stage. He’s not a doddering old man, for goodness sake. He’s cooler and hipper, and a way better performer, than all of them combined.

It was horrible of the powers-that-be over there to cut-off the speech of the girl who won for the big Song of the Year with Ed Sheehan. Famous peeps should always let their less famous partners speak first, to make sure they get their turn. The won’t cut away from the celebs.

Mr. X pointed-out that the tribute to Glenn Frey must have been very difficult for the remaining Eagles and Jackson Brown, (who was Glenn Frey’s great friend and neighbor in the early days. They even wrote the Eagles’ first hit, and the song they sang in tribute tonight, Take It Easy, together.) The intense pain was written all over their drawn faces.

Tori Kelly and James Bay.

Tori Kelly and James Bay.

That was a gorgeous duet by Tori Kelly and James Bay. As simple as it seemed, it was one of the true highlights of the night.

I don’t get the hubbub about Broadway’s Hamilton. That opening number did nothing for me. And I’m a hip-hopper from way back. It was very disappointing.

Kendrick Lamar did quite the production. His number was so much better than Hamilton was!

Lin-Manuel Miranda is talented, indeed. But his speech was so much better than the opening number of his show!

I love her, but Adele sounded awful. Mr. X said it was like a “you’re not getting into the Top 24” performance on American Idol. And she kept getting worse. It was like she was trying to pull it out with yelling and emotion. [Note: Supposedly it was a sound issue. There was that, too, but that didn’t make her sing badly.]

I think that, after several years, I’m back to liking Justin Bieber. Just a tiny bit for now. I hope he can keep that amity going for a little while, at least.

I knew that Megan Trainer would win Best New Artist, because she’s popular and chubby. But she should not have; it should have been Tori Kelly, and, at the least James Bay.

Alice Cooper's filthy hair, next to Johnny Depp's only dirty hair! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Alice Cooper’s filthy hair, next to Johnny Depp’s only dirty hair! Photo by Karen Salkin.

I never noticed the space between Lady Gaga‘s front and next tooth before. And those choppers are badly in need of some whitener.

I’m not even close to being a fan of Lady Gaga, but I am impressed that she keeps re-inventing herself.

The B. B King tribute was great. I loved, loved, loved it! And Bonnie Raitt is some kind of woman. I don’t know if people appreciate her enough.

I never get why dirty, and more often than not, filthy, hair is ever a choice for anyone, let alone someone in the public eye. (If you can explain it, please do so in the comments section below.)

Johnny Depp is one lucky son of a gun, in general. And he got really fat, didn’t he?

I loved that little pianist, Joey Alexander!

That was way too abrupt a switch from what was basically a pitch for money for music artists, to the In Memoriam portion of the evening.

Taylor Swift's strange get-up.  Doesn't it look like she's packing? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Taylor Swift’s strange get-up. Doesn’t it look like she’s packing? Photo by Karen Salkin.

For once, Taylor Swift might have been genuinely surprised by her win for album of the year. But why was she wearing a two-piece bathing suit with a skirt? That outfit was horrendous. As she walked up the stairs to accept her award, it looked like she was packing a male unit in there!

Beyonce‘s entrance, and speech, was so full-of-herself.

I loved Mark Ronson‘s speech! And his shout-out to original funkmaster George Clinton was perf.

Robin Thicke‘s pants were way too short.

It’s funny that Robin and Pitbull performed together because they each have only one move.

That was a pretty weak jam session at the end. It sounded like just noise.

But it was really rude of people to be leaving during it. The control room cut to a tight shot as soon as they noticed the wide one was showing the early exits.

The last two things I want to mention about the show are sad ones. As the In Memorium section began, I told Mr. X that I was worried that I’ll see the name of someone I know, who I hadn’t realized had left us.  And then a producer I love, who used to be one of my best pals, popped into my mind, for some reason. A second later, his brother’s name, Al Bunetta, was on the screen, as someone who had died in the past year. I almost threw-up when I saw it. I’m sick over it. RIP, Al. (and all the others, as well, of course.)

Add to that the weird timing of finding-out, (while I was watching the telecast,) that Prince’s old protege and girlfriend, Vanity, had just died! So, both of those sort-of took the wind out my sails towards the end of an otherwise pretty satisfying show, (once it had picked-up.)

NETWORK ARRIVALS SHOW

Does anyone know what's up with Charlie Puth's eyebrow? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Does anyone know what’s up with Charlie Puth’s eyebrow? Photo by Karen Salkin.

You need only have looked at host Nancy Odell‘s face to understand exactly why I don’t want to have facial surgery.

Demi Lovato showed-up on the red carpet with barely any make-up! She probably wanted to just put it on for her performance. [Note: As I referenced above, I turned-out to be correct about that.]

Kacey Musgraves‘ hideous dress looked like someone killed a peacock to make it!

Charlie Puth needs some of those new eyebrow extensions. (But I’m pretty sure that’s a scar on his brow, so I held myself back from tweeting about it.)

The pre-recorded bit of James Corden and Justin Bieber was great! That was the best part of the coverage! (I have a feeling it was really a promo for the former’s show later that night.)

Sam Smith and I are on the same diet. He told the interviewer, “ I’ve just not eaten like a pig anymore.” I hear ya, Sam!

I actually thought that Zendaya Coleman was a guy! Photo by Karen Salkin.

I actually thought that Zendaya Coleman was a guy! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Nancy Odell told Zendaya Coleman, (who’s trying to be known by just her first name, like she’s someone special,) “You pretty much do everything.” Yeah? Like what??? All she seems to do is walk red carpets!

That was the absolute worst Tori Kelly ever looked. I hated her hair!

I really thought that I wouldn’t like Elle King, because she looks kind-of like a lunatic, but she seems darling. So, my bad for judging a book by its cover.

I love Andra Day‘s singing, but why would she wear a long-sleeved dress, with a muff, no less, in almost ninety degrees??? (On second look, that might be a fur stole she was carrying on her arms, but I don’t know which is worse.)

It’s so cute that Robin Thicke arrived with his mother, who was famous before he was even born!

ARRIVALS ON E!

Kacey Musgraves' bad hair. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Kacey Musgraves’ bad hair. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I have to admit how good Giuliana Rancic looks. It’s the best ever for her. Finally! After how many years looking bad on the air?

Carrie Underwood looked phenomenal! (But weren’t her eyes a little weird? Like Children of the Damned or something?)

Kacey Musgraves’ dress is hideous! And this comes from someone who really loves color! And her hair looks like mine when I’m about to wash it, and I run in to Mr. X to ask him if it looks like I’m losing my hair. (And P.S.–her ponytail was a way different color from her scalp hair, meaning it’s cheaply fake.)

Did Best New Artist nominee Courtney Barnett not know she was going to the Grammys?  Or did they just lose her suitcase? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Did Best New Artist nominee Courtney Barnett not know she was going to the Grammys? Or did they just lose her suitcase? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Why would Courtney Barnett wear that non-outfit? Mr. X was waiting for the interviewer to ask what she’s going to wear!

I never heard of Cam, (and I usually hate these idiots who try to use just one name,) but she seems really nice and down to earth.

I was happy to see Pentatonix on there because I met the female, Kirstie Maldonado, just the day before, and she was as sweet as I expected her to be.

Zendaya mentioned that she is wearing Cover Girl make-up, and it’s the best she’s ever looked, so maybe it works. They totally contoured her nose with it. Or else she just had a nose job when I wasn’t paying attention to her, which is always. But why did she choose to look like a dude?!

How did ugly Travis Barker get such good-looking kids? His ex-wife, former beauty queen, Shanna Moakler, must have some mighty strong genes!

Tove Lo.  Why would anyone do that to her face?  She actually might be pretty otherwise! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Tove Lo. Why would anyone do that to her face? She actually might be pretty otherwise! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Why would Tove Lo, whoever she is, think that a hanging-down nose ring, that’s hitting into her teeth, is attractive? She must not have any honest pals.

Why is Florence Welch wearing her grandmother’s dress? That’s what it must be, right? Or the curtains from a child’s room.

Again, I have to proclaim my new-found love for Mark Ronson!

Charlie Puth turned red when Ryan Seacrest asked him about Selena Gomez! Couple alert.

Oh no–Demi Lovato said she’s doing a “melody,” when she meant “medley.” And it wasn’t a slip of the tongue; she meant it! Please someone in her camp–correct her!

I love the sparkly cape part of frog-faced Chrissy Teigen‘s dress.

I just don’t get why these idiots wear one dress to walk in and another to sit in the audience.

Doesn't Russell Wilson look a tad afraid of his girlfriend, Ciara?  And doesn't she look miserable, as if the dress isn't working on him?  And try to get a close-up gander of her awful toes!

Doesn’t Russell Wilson look a tad afraid of his girlfriend, Ciara? And doesn’t she look miserable, as if the dress isn’t working on him? And try to get a close-up gander of her awful toes!

Megan Trainor’s dad always sort-of creeps me out. He’s always holding on to her and saying how gorgeous she is, like a boyfriend would do. Eww.

Ciara‘s dress was more than a little nutty, shall we say. I wish I had seen her move, so I knew if we could see her crotch. It looks like she’s trying to make her boyfriend, abstainer Russell Wilson, break down and have sex with her already. But what’s up with her ugly toes? Vomit. Maybe that’s why he won’t do the deed.

I had thought that Sam Smith was short, but he was towering over Ryan! I know that’s not saying that much, but…

I was so happy to see Pharrell without a hat for once! And I kind-of dig the blonde cropped ‘do.

And that’s an awards show wrap! Until the Oscars, that is.

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