AWARDS SHOW: GOLDEN GLOBES 2018

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GOLDEN GLOBES 2018

This is the first year in a long time that I haven’t seen all the nominated films before the Golden Globes, so I don’t have tons of thoughts about the winners. I knew that Gary Oldman, James Franco, and Saoirse Ronan would win, and suspected as much about Allison Janney, (although that one should have gone to Hong Chau.)

And I’m familiar with just a couple of the shows in the television category, so I can’t go there at all. [Sidebar: A pal just expressed shock that I don’t watch all the so-called popular shows. Does she think this entire e-zine writes itself??? I know she reads it, so she knows that I go out just about every night, which means that I have to write the reviews during the day. I barely sleep as it is—how would I have time for TV? Outside of sports, that is, which I really hassle to make time for!]

Barbra Streisand.  Keep reading to find-out what I have to say about her. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Barbra Streisand. Keep reading to find-out what I have to say about her. Photo by Karen Salkin.

So, let’s get to my thoughts on the Golden Globes already!!! I have to admit that I didn’t tweet as much as I would have liked because a) I got caught-up in just watching the show like a normal person, and really did not want to work, and b) Mr. X and I got pretty far behind, so I didn’t want to see the winners that tweeters inevitably post on there, (which is not nice of them, by the way.)

But I did tweet over a dozen bon mots thoughout the night, that I don’t repeat here. They’re still up there, so if you’d like to read them, my Twitter handle is @MajorCelebrity. (And while you’re there, why don’t you follow me now, so you don’t miss anything else in the future? What a great idea!)

So, most of these are fresh, unpublished-anywhere thoughts. (And, trust me, I’m saying things that most other people are afraid to, even though they feel the same way, as I did in my video review of Call Me By Your Name, which you can see here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJokbIkBphU&t=2s.)

And I’m going out of order this time and beginning with the show, followed by the arrivals. Here goes:

 

GOLDEN GLOBES TELECAST

Nicole Kidman's back that does not match her neck!  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Nicole Kidman’s back that does not match her neck! Photo by Karen Salkin.

Seth Meyers’ monologue was perfect! Mr. X said, “It was long, but we wanted it to be longer!”

Nicole Kidman needs to fire her make-up person, (who, clearly, is not an artist!) She was rocking a backless dress, yet the person stopped the face make-up on the back of her neck, and left her entire back lily-white!!! OMG—that looked awful!

Angelina Jolie is still so gorgeous.

I have loved Zac Efron ever since I saw how nice he was on the Red Carpet for an awards show early in his career; he expressed how grateful he was to be included, and his sincerity was apparent. (And his adorable looks don’t hurt.)

Elisabeth Moss' washwoman hair.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Elisabeth Moss’ washwoman hair. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Elisabeth Moss' weird  color-in-only-the-middle lipstick.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Elisabeth Moss’ weird color-in-only-the-middle lipstick. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Elisabeth Moss hugged so many disparate people on the way up to the stage, which had me wondering if they were all Scientologists.

She had the worst “washwoman” hair of all of them, (which I’ll list a bit later on in this review,) and her bottom lips were totally devoid of lipstick on the sides, which seemed deliberate, but I can’t figure-out just what that make-up plan was.  (It was not eaten off; it was obviously applied that way.)

James Franco in the center, with his little brother, Dave Franco, on the right, and the maniac Tommy Wiseau on the left. Photo by Karen Salkin.

James Franco in the center, with his little brother, Dave Franco, on the right, and the maniac Tommy Wiseau on the left. Photo by Karen Salkin.

The second best part of the evening to that point, (right behind the monologue,) was the ten-second duet of Kelly Clarkson and Keith Urban as they were presenting.

James Franco’s win and speech were great! He’s the best. [Sidebar: The Golden Globes separate the “Drama” and “Musical or Comedy” acting categories, but the rest of the awards bodies do not. That’s why I hope that Gary Oldman, who was also victorious at this one, will win the rest of the awards over James. He deserves it.]

Sharon Stone. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Sharon Stone. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Sharon Stone’s dress gave her the roundest boobs I’ve ever seen. It was the perfect dress for her age and sexiness.

Laura Dern’s body looks great! Who knew that that great body went with that funny-looking face?!

On the other hand, Chrissy Metz has got to lose weight!!! ASAP. What is she thinking???

Is Amy Poehler pregnant? (I’m not being mean—I’m seriously asking. So let me know if you know, please.)

The Rock’s daughter, who was basically Miss Golden Globes, (although, in a new effort for everything in Hollywood to be politically correct, they dubbed her the “Golden Globes Ambassador”; oysh,) never once closed her lips while speaking! Yet she did plosives. (I’m not kidding about this—we watched it several times, even in slo-mo, to see how she did it!) Upon further inspection, we realized that she was using her top teeth as her top lip! No lie. (If you still have it recorded, it’s around the 1:15 mark, to see for yourselves.) Maybe that’s how ventriloquists do it! I’m not joking here.

Tonya Harding.  You can tell so much is going on in that poor girl's psyche.  But she looks good...for her.  (Mr. X loves when I say that about people.)  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Tonya Harding. You can tell so much is going on in that poor girl’s psyche. But she looks good…for her. (Mr. X loves when I say that about people.) Photo by Karen Salkin.

I knew Allison Janney would win Best Supporting Actress in a Movie because she’s so popular in the biz. She is great in I, Tonya, but she’s no Hong Chau. I mean it.

Tonya Harding was there! Good for the I, Tonya team to include her. And good for her to be brave enough to show up!

But the audience had no idea whether to clap or not when Allison Janney thanked Tonya. In a sea of awkward moments, this was the winner of the night.

Catherine Zeta-Jones worked perfectly with her one-hundred-one-year-old father-in-law, Kirk Douglas. There’s no one better on earth with whom they could have paired him to present.

The fabulous tresses of Catherine Zeta-Jones. Photo by Karen Salkin.

The fabulous tresses of Catherine Zeta-Jones. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Catherine Zeta-Jones had, by far, the best hair of the night. But the funny thing is that it looks like mine…before I have it done! That’s my natural hair, but I feel that I must always wear it straight. It looked so gorgeous on her that maybe I’ll start wearing mine like that now. It will be so much less work for my super-secret hair-straightener! (You know who you are.)

What a classless speech from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel producer Amy Sherman-Palladino. [Sidebar: When I googled her just now, to get her name right, I noticed that in every picture of her anywhere, she’s wearing a stupid hat like the one she had on at the Golden Globes. So now I’m wondering if she’s bald on top. What do you think?)

Connie Britton. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Connie Britton. Photo by Karen Salkin.

This is what Connie Britton wore to the Golden Globes??? A polo shirt with writing on it?! Oysh. What could possibly have been in her mind! (I guess she thought it was some sort of profound statement, and that she would be the Red Carpet sensation because of it. But, boy–was she wrong! I’ll bet that she was the laughing stock!!!)

Was there any person there whose face was more sour than Barbara Streisand’s? She looked absolutely miserable every time they cut to her! (And did anyone else notice how late she arrived? The producers didn’t know what to do with her seat before she deigned to show-up, about halfway through the show!)

Oprah Winfrey's discolored bottom teeth.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Oprah Winfrey’s discolored bottom teeth. (And it is not the lighting.)  Photo by Karen Salkin.

With all the money Oprah Winfrey possesses, why doesn’t she fix her disgusting discolored bottom teeth already??? I had to stop eating when she kept flashing them. I have one word for her–veneers!!!

Why didn’t they go to a commercial break after Oprah’s very lengthy speech? That was just nutty of them. They knew the place would be buzzing, which is why they gave her that award to begin with! It’s supposed to go to someone who has a very long, impressive body of work in film, but they bent the rules so that they could kick-off Oprah’s obvious Presidential campaign, and they’d be forever given the credit for it.

Jessica Chastain‘s bit was awful!

Saoirse Ronan.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Saoirse Ronan. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Saoirse Ronan was the prettiest one there.

Poor Dakota Johnson is so unattractive—her teeth, nose, everything. But I do give her credit for keeping her own face, especially when plastic surgery aficionado Melanie Griffith is her mother!

Frances McDormand could not have looked worse! Why does she do that? She knows she’s going to be on camera, around the world, and she can’t even make an effort??? She showed-up with awful, messy short gray hair, no make-up, and, worst of all for the night, in a blue dress, rather than the black one that everyone in Hollywood wore to the show, to show solidarity for their movement of the moment. The wrong color dress is basically inexcusable; the rest are just crazy personal choices.

Frances McDormand said the women in the audience weren’t “there for the food.” Now I get why I wasn’t invited!

 

ARRIVALS ON ABC

I feel the need to say this: As a victim of a lot of sexual harassment myself, I’m all for ending it, and not having even one more innocent person go though that horror. But this response is now seeming pretentious to me. Having every woman at the Golden Globes wear black in solidarity is just embarrassing—most of them were going to wear black anyway! If they wanted to really make a statement, they should have worn chartreuse!!! It’s just about enough already with this. It’s gotten extremely depressing. No one even has to prove the harassment—they just say it about anybody they want to bring down! [If you haven’t seen it yet, this would be a good time to watch my video of one of my own casting couch tales: www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYKn2_EWaJM.]

Frances McDormand.  Why would she show-up looking like this?  Did she forget that she was nominated? Photo by Karen Salkin.

Frances McDormand. Why would she show-up looking like this? Did she forget that she was nominated? Photo by Karen Salkin.

And flirting and hitting-on someone is not sexual harassment—it’s all part of the human mating ritual! Rape, exposing oneself, and propositioning are real issues that need to be addressed, but not every little thing that people are saying. It’s gotten insane.

And the equal pay discussion is another one entirely. But I’ll address that at another time. For now, let me say it’s sort-of like the airlines who charge different prices for the same seats.

Okay, let’s get to the arrivals on this network before the Golden Globes themselves:

The President of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, whose awards these are, wore red!!! How crazy! And she knew she was going to be on the show! And no one seemed to bat an eye, neither during the arrivals nor when she appeared on the show itself. I guess they don’t want to bite the hand that feeds them—literally!!!

Red Carpet host Natalie Morales looked adorable in her cute and appropriate dress!

Al Roker rushed Hugh Jackman off!!! Is he insane???

Amy Poehler.  I mention this above, but can she possibly be pregnant? I'm sincerely asking. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Amy Poehler. I mention this above, but can she possibly be pregnant? I’m sincerely asking. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Natalie Morales called Brooklynn PrincePrice!” Please know the people you’re speaking of, hosts!!!

Eva Longoria gave a list of the women who came forward to start this anti-harassment campaign, but left-out Rose McGowan, which I think she did on purpose (because she did it on both arrivals shows.) But I’m the only one who pointed-out that Rose took money from Harvey Weinstein to keep quiet, while she does not stop accusing everyone else of staying silent! Talk about a hypocrite!

Why were all the women holding hands??? It’s obnoxious.

Sharon Stone is still the most gorgeous woman alive. (But deceased beauties Elizabeth Taylor and Audrey Hepburn have everyone beat.)

Well, I like one side of Mary J. Blige‘s dress!

Mary J. Blige seems so nice and real.

Kerry Washington spoke well about the movement.

Maggie Gyllenhaal.  You can see that she hunches over even from this one small shot. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Maggie Gyllenhaal. You can see that she hunches over even from this one small shot. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Maggie Gyllenhaal needs to stand-up straight!

Al Roker pointed-out that Viola Davis and her husband were both wearing velvet. And, I swear, she said, “Oh yes, you know, we got to have some laughs, you know?” How is wearing velvet funny??? What an idiot. On top of that, she actually said “you know” three times in under fifteen words! She always thinks she’s so profound, but she did not stop saying “you know” during her entire interview!!!At least no snot came out of her nose this time!

At the end of husband Denzel Washington‘s interview, Paulette Washington quietly said to Al Roker, “My love to the family.” Now that’s class!

Saoirse Ronan is so adorable. And I’ve never before thought that someone so light-complected is so pretty!

Michelle Williams said essentially that now she doesn’t have to teach her daughter how to protect herself because women are wearing black on the carpet! How moronic can you get???

Sterling K. Brown’s wife is so pretty!

 

E ARRIVALS

Let’s count those with washwoman hair: Kelly Clarkson, Elisabeth Moss, even Saoirse Ronan (although hers was classy), Seth Meyers’ wife (who was perhaps the worst,) and Hugh Jackman’s wife—I think hers was even just a butterfly clip! Who styles these people??? You would not catch glamorous Sofia Vergara looking like that!!!

Debra Messing's awful make-up. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Debra Messing’s awful make-up. Photo by Karen Salkin.

I hate to say anything bad about a fellow redhead, but Debra Messing could not have looked more awful. She had the worst make-up and a horrible outfit!

And she’s half an idiot to call out E channel for disparity in pay for the sexes when she was being interviewed on it!!! But, at the same time, good for her to bust them. But she should have gone further and asked the female host who was interviewing her if she makes as much money as the male host, Ryan Seacrest. I suspect that she does not.

I hated the many asymmetrical dresses, such as the ones Mary J.Blige, Saoirse Ronan, and Gillian Anderson were wearing.

Sterling K. Brown’s wife is so adorable. And she’s the only one who made us laugh with her use of the catchphrase of the night, “Time’s up!”

Hugh Grant and his girlfriend at the Golden Globes...

Hugh Grant and his girlfriend at the Golden Globes…

...and her in virtually the same outfit a night or two before.  And she is not pregnant!!!  So why would she wear that top, for goodness sake???

…and her in virtually the same outfit a night or two before. And she is not pregnant!!! So why would she wear that top, for goodness sake???

E channel thought they were so cool to not ask who designed the stars’ outfits, because they wanted to be serious and ask, “Why are you wearing black,” instead, even though everyone who watched knew, ad nauseum, all about this solidarity schtick. But I’m sure the designers who lent all the outfits were thrilled with that stupidity!

I thought for sure that Hugh Grant‘s girlfriend is preggers, but she is not!!! Wow. Why would she wear that outfit then, especially since she had just worn the top and jacket out to dinner a night or two before?! And was photographed in it! And is only thirty-five, so she has lots of choices. [Major note!: She is pregnant! They announced it shortly after I published this. So I guess that I scooped them. And maybe even inspired the announcement! (I had done tons of research to see if she was with baby before I wrote this, and it was nowhere to be found up until we published.) Either way, best of luck to them.]

Octavia Spencer and her...brown tote bag!!!  At the Golden Globes!!!   Photo by Karen Salkin.

Octavia Spencer and her…brown tote bag!!! At the Golden Globes!!! Photo by Karen Salkin.

I so love that Hugh Jackman loves his much older, pudgy, unfashionable wife! It gives the rest of us hope!

Wait a second—Octavia Spencer brought a brown tote bag to the Golden Globes!

I had no idea that Michelle Williams is sooo nasal!

The powers-that-be at This Is Us, or at least her family members, need to make Chrissy Metz lose weight ASAP! She’s gained so much since the show began (even though her contract is said to demand that she lose weight!) Forgetting how unattractive obesity is, it’s soooo unhealthy! She must be over five hundred pounds! I’m afraid that she’ll be housebound really soon if she doesn’t stop eating! She has the bucks now to fight it—why doesn’t she???

Poor Chrissy Metz.  Photo by Karen Salkin.

Poor Chrissy Metz. Photo by Karen Salkin.

Alicia Viklander is one of the prettiest people there, and I applaud her for not feeling the need to bear her boobs and arms. Very classy of her.

News flash—I finally figured-out why everyone’s looks faded after the Red Carpet! It’s because this is the only awards show where they’re all eating and drinking and mingling all night, so their faces don’t stay put! How did that never occur to me before?!

Okay, on to the SAG Awards in a couple of weeks. I need to go sharpen my claws for it; this review definitely wore them down!

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2 Comments

  1. Wow Karen,
    You are loaded for bear! I will never, ever slouch in your presence. I will always check my makeup and my outfit, too.
    Love you and miss you like crazicakes,
    JILL

    • Hi Jill.

      I like the way u think! No one should ever slouch, especially people in the public eye. And if someone points it out to u, u should make an effort to do better bc if one person notices, everyone else does, too.

      And I love the expression “loaded for bear!” That made me laugh.

      Your Standing Tall Friend, Karen

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