OSCAR MUSINGS 2010

 

Here are my random thoughts as I watched the Oscars and the attending coverage. I’ll do the Red Carpet stuff first, except to tell you how disappointed I am that Sandra Bullock won. She was the least deserving, by far, but this is how I think the voters’ thought processes went: Everyone likes her, Helen Mirren is a foreigner and won just a couple of years ago, Carey Mulligan is also a foreigner and, being a young ’un, has to pay her dues, same for Gabourey Sidibe (except for the foreign part, but, sad to say, they weren’t going to have two black actresses win in the same year,) and they always feel that Meryl Streep will win next time because she’s always the best.

I stopped trusting the Academy voting process the year that Cher’s mediocre-at-best performance in Moonstruck beat out Meryl’s most incredible one ever, in Ironweed. She was so heart-breaking in that that Mr. X couldn’t even finish watching it. It was just so painfully real.

Unfortunately, the Oscars are an unavoidable part of the world I live in, so I have to at least share my thoughts with you. (And, if they’re not as entertaining as usual [my thoughts, not the show,] please remember that my back problem is cramping my brain a bit, as well.)

First, some entrance thoughts. There was actually no one I hated this year! Not even Monique this time, though she seems to be enormously full of herself. And it was interesting to see that there were no real fashion trends, whether in attire, make-up/lipstick, hair, or jewelry. Most people did seem a tad classier this year, so I feel bad bagging on them. But I’ll get over it. So, here goes:

Starting out with my most complimentary thought, (don’t worry–it won’t last long,) I just love that Zac Efron! He just appears to be the loveliest, most grateful person. He’s the only guy besides Adam Lambert, and my beloved 17-years-old-today favorite friend Ronnie Hazel, Jr., who I wish were my brother. (Or nephew or cousin. I’ll even take son!)

Also lovely-seeming: Gaborey Sidebe, Carey Mulligan, George Clooney (but he really needs to color and style his hair,) Tom Ford (who was also adorable and not at all as I expected,) Christoph Waltz, who had all excellent answers, Sidney Hicks, Jake Gylennhall, his sis Maggie, and Penelope Cruz always. (She’s also the best-looking girl with a big nose ever, and I have one myself so I can say that.)

Couples I love: Mariah and Nick, (who thoughtfully answered all the questions posed to them,) the Bridges, JLo and Mark, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem, Robin Thicke and Paula Patton, the Colin Firths.

Best dresses: Robert Downey’s wife, and Meryl Streep. Miley Cyrus won for best eye make-up.

Downright awful attire: the girl from Avatar, Charlize Theron, Vera Farmiga (who was rocking a giant butt and baggy back along with the worst dress I’ve ever seen!,) Sigourney Weaver, and John Travolta being so rude as to appear on the show in JEANS!!!

People who still need to whiten or fix their teeth: Morgan Freeman, Christoph Waltz.

Best they EVER looked!: Kate Winslet, ( though she desperately needed red lipstick,) Maggie Gylennhall (don’t know how she did it, but it gave us all hope!)

So did Kathy Ireland, (except for side shots of her stomach sticking way out there, and her weird Paso Doble stance, which she probably learned from her very brief stint on Dancing with the Stars,) but she was the worst interviewer ever, which is actually hard to be with all the other lummoxes. She was so uncomfortable and insincere and her prompter-reading was just brutal.

The same can be said for Sherri Shepard on all counts, except for the part about looking good.

And is that blonde chick from Channel 5 in LA really a Saturday Night Live character? Nobody can be that goony in real life.

I was impressed with Sam Worthington, who listened to an idiotic Sam Ruben (from a local channel here) rattle off nonsense, then shove the mike in his face for an “answer,” but instead queried, “What’s the question?” Good for him!

Idiot interviewer from local ABC, George Pennacio, kept putting the The Hurt Locker crowd on the spot by insisting they send immediate, off-the-cuff messages to the troops, in the middle of their happiness. He also told each person what they themselves thought and then stuck the mike in front of them, with nothing left for them to say. Yet another terrible interviewer. (I didn’t even bother with the awful E! and TV Guide Channel coverages this time.)

How cute is Ryan Reynolds??? But every time I see him, I immediately think, “Poor Alanis.”

How soon will James Cameron dump his current wife for somebody else? I actually had this thought during the red carpet, with his current wife, Suzy Amis, looking so sickly and his ex, Kathryn Bigelow, looking so great, but it was re-enforced when the latter won it all.

What the heck did Jeremy Renner mean when asked, “There’s nobody else you’d want on this red carpet, with you, is there?” referring to his mother, and he answered, “No, no, maybe a shotgun and my mama?” He’s not cute-looking enough to say dumb things like that.

Love Meryl Streep always! And her purse this time, as well.

Sandra Bullock seems to be a lovely, honest person, but why was her hair greasy on such an important night? She’s also not aging too well, but at least we know she’s not having work done, like most others are, so kudos to her for that.

While we’re on aging without surgery, Cameron Diaz’s crow’s feet were the most prominent I’ve ever noticed at an awards show.

Just about every pre-show interviewer asked dumb questions, than cut-off the celeb! My favorite is when they move the not-as-famous out of the way rudely to get to the more famous ones! The height of rudeness!!!

Now to the show itself:

It’s nice that they introduced all the top nominees at the beginning, to make sure they show-up, but why were the women carrying their purses??? Couldn’t their dates (or assistants or publicists, etc.) have taken them to their seats? It just looked clumsy.

Loved how Old Hollywood the stage looked!

Unlike just abut everyone else, I actually thought Neil Patrick Harris’ opening number was a fun surprise.

As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve never heard anyone associated with The Blindside mention Michael Oher, the real-life football player the story is about!!! Shameful.

At first, I was appalled that the Best Song category didn’t have any actual performances of the songs, because that’s always one of the best sections to make fun of, or laud, as the case might be. But then I liked that we saw how they were presented in the films, to make it easier to understand. And I figured they did it that way to save time. But then they wasted tons of time with the horror movie stupidity, inane celebrity banter, and the way too long and unnecessary dance number. (I love that group of dancers, but it just didn’t belong on this show and didn’t show off their best routines, either.)

Speaking of wastes of time, how about cutting all the superfluous activity and giving the winners more time to speak! The whole thing was very rudely done.

The producer of Up should have thanked Ed Asner, the voice of the main character.

Loved that Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem were seen holding hands in the audience!

Great speech by Best Screenplay winner, Mark Goal (for The Hurt Locker) It was honest and to the point.

Hey, Molly Ringwald–Carol Burnett called. She wants her face back.

Carey Mulligan’s dress should have been floor-length all around, and not shorter in the front, especially with her pigeon-toes. I love her, but that just looked weird. And they should have had two comedians present the three short film awards, because she and (I already forgot her co-presenter! Really!) were deathly boring, especially to be on stage for so long.

Ben Stiller was a welcome sight, as he often is, but his bit just went on too long, with no pay-off.

Samuel Jackson’s face was priceless after Monique’s win and speech! I’m dying to know exactly what he was thinking.

How uncomfortable was Kristen Stewart? I had seen her walking the carpet, and thought she was someone’s lackluster date! I had not idea she was a “star.” She’s all hunched-over and blah.

I simply do not get the attraction of Gerard Butler or Bradley Cooper. Both just look like nothing special to me. I actually find them both UN-attractive.

Who is Elizabeth Banks????

Although I don’t like the two hosts personally, (I’ve met them several times, and worked with one,) I usually think that they’re funny men. I did laugh a few times, but their shtick was too long and mostly weak.

Very happy for Jeff Bridges, although I’ve thought that Colin Firth deserved the Oscar for A Single Man. But Jeff is American and very popular in the show biz community. I feel that the older voters were really casting theirs for his dad.

Strangely, I seemed to be one of the few who understood what Sean Penn meant by that he and the academy forgot the same woman–he didn’t thank his wife-at-the-time, Robin Wright, upon his win last year, and they didn’t vote her a nomination this one. Too esoteric for the masses to figure out.

Demi Moore comes out to present the most somber part of the night, the In Memoriam, and immediately pushes her hair away! So un-classy. Note to all females on-stage: if you have to push your hair off your face, GET A DIFFERENT STYLE!

I know that everyone’s in a huff about Farrah being left out of the In Memoriam segment. The Academy had a lame excuse about her being more of a TV actress, but I think it was a conscience decision by an overweight, mustachioed woman in army boots, who was just trying to get back at someone so physically attractive.

That whole segment was so poorly done, from the opening long-shot of the deceased faces being too far-away to be recognized, so that we could get a glimpse of James Taylor singing, to the MANY omissions. Weak, weak presentation.

And lastly, I don’t really think that The Hurt Locker was the year’s Best Picture, but I don’t know what was. (I can just see America’s reactions when they hurriedly go out and rent it, and sit in their living rooms going, “What the F???”) I actually enjoyed Alvin and the Chipmunks 2–The Squequal the most this season. But I’m just glad that we were spared the pontificating of James Cameron for one more year! So, “I’d like to thank the Academy for” that!

So, that’s it for my take on the Oscars 2010. Can’t wait to tell you about the gifting suites, so check back for that column this week.